


Taking Initiative

by writeitininkorinblood



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: (or that's the goal anyway), Fluff, Frumpkin - Freeform, Jester meddles, M/M, background Yasha/Beau, seriously just very cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 21:09:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13489821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeitininkorinblood/pseuds/writeitininkorinblood
Summary: Dying puts things in perspective





	Taking Initiative

**Author's Note:**

> All of this will probably become inaccurate and disproven in a few episode's time, I'm sure. But until then, this paring seemed pretty cute and I wanted to write it. Characterisation probably isn't perfect because we haven't seen much of this campaign yet, but I tried!  
> Imagine it's a little while into this lot becoming a proper party and going on adventures together, that's when this fic takes place.

Caleb finished sluicing the last remnants of blood from his arms, trying not to remember how it had felt to have his soul ripped from his body. Had Jester not been there… He didn’t want to think about it. Instead he dried himself off and pulled his clothes back on, shouting out to Nott that he was leaving. Beau was still down there so he knew she’d be okay.  
The trek up from the river to where they’d made camp was a cold one. Night had already set in and the water had started shivers deep in his bones that the air was wont to continue. It made him dread the idea of getting under a thin blanket, curled up alone on his bedroll, and trying to keep the chill at bay. He knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to stop pretending he wouldn’t like to sleep in Fjord’s arms, where it was no doubt warmer and more comfortable. He’d sworn off that side of his emotions, resolute that he needed no one, but with death still shadowing him and cold seeping into every bone, he almost didn’t care anymore.

They’d been dancing around each other for so long, blushing and flirting and almost teasing, whenever they found themselves in a nonlethal situation that allowed for a little fun. Jester had been constantly suggesting he just kiss Fjord already and ‘get the sexual tension out of the way before it kills us all one day’, but it wasn’t that easy. He’d spent so long alone that he wasn’t sure how to let someone else in. Nott was one thing, she had broken down a tiny portion of his wall that only she was small enough to fit through, but Fjord? Someone to love? That was different.

When he broke the tree line of the small clearing, Caleb found the fire still crackling and Jester sat beside it, amusing herself by casting simple spells to make the flames dance and change colour. Beyond her, Fjord was sitting on top of his bedroll and looking up at the stars, so bright out in the middle of nowhere. Caleb trudged to his own makeshift bed and looked down at it. He was across the fire from Fjord, nearer to where Molly was already sleeping and Yasha was, presumably, waiting up for Beau to get back.

Pushing back a wave of fear, Caleb picked up his bedroll and dragged it round the fire, setting it down next to Fjord’s and lying down without a word, facing off into the woods. He couldn’t bring himself to completely bridge the physical gap, but he was hoping this was enough of a signal that Fjord should take the next step.

Caleb’s shadow falling across his face had been enough to shake Fjord from his stargazing, but by the time he’d thought of something to say, Caleb was already lying beside him, back turned but so close.

Fjord looked around, confused and completely out of his depth. He was used to not being allowed to touch Caleb – even if the wizard was near, he had an aura of _leave me alone_ that meant Fjord kept his distance. They could be talking and flirting and building up to what felt like some big kiss, but there was always something that stopped him from leaning in and finally learning what Caleb’s lips felt like against his. But now here Caleb was, inches away from him, and that aura seemed to have dissipated.

This scenario had played itself out in his mind hundreds of times, and in an ideal world he’d already have reached out and pulled Caleb in against his chest, but the real world was less generous and instead of confidence he found anxiety taking control. He met Jester’s eyes, sparkling across the fire, and he knew she saw panic in his. She knew about his feelings and how much he respected Caleb’s defenses too much to act on them, but all she did was coax him to take initiative. Right now she was grinning and gesturing towards Caleb encouragingly.

Swallowing painfully, Fjord let his gaze follow Jester’s gestures. Caleb was still facing away, his arms wrapped around his stomach. For most people, the position would read sulking, but Caleb wasn’t most people and Fjord had trained himself in being fluent in his language. The usual dismissive energy he cloaked himself in was gone and it suddenly seemed very possible to just reach out and _touch_.

He still couldn’t do it. The desire had been there for ages but he’d been repressing it for so long that he couldn’t just give in that easily. Except then Caleb let out a sigh, long and needy, that Fjord knew meant he was waiting for something, and he let himself reach out. It was a simple touch, just a hand on Caleb’s hip that spoke every word Fjord couldn’t vocalise.

For a moment Caleb seized up. He wanted the touch and he knew he was asking for it, but it still jolted him. It wasn’t often that he let anyone get this close, physically or emotionally, so the feeling was new. But he wanted to embrace it. So, he forced himself to relax and he let his hand reach up and cover Fjord’s. With a shaking breath he turned, guiding Fjord’s hand so it skated dangerously low across his stomach and came to rest on the other hip, never breaking contact.

As soon as he saw Caleb’s eyes, warm and only a little bit frightened, Fjord shifted a little closer. They were surrounded by their friends, so they weren’t actually going to _do_ anything, but there was no rule saying they couldn’t sleep next to each other like this. It wasn’t like Yasha and Beau didn’t do it.

Nott was still down at the stream and Caleb was really hoping that she’d choose Jester’s feet to curl up at when she got back. He loved his friend but he had crafted himself a situation, a state of mind, where it felt okay to not be as guarded and he wasn’t sure how long he could make it last if he was interrupted.

“Hello,” he managed.

Fjord grinned, repositioning his arm so he could move his spare hand to Caleb’s cheek, thrilled when he didn’t pull away.

“Hey. Nice to see you over in my neck of the woods,” he teased, his thumb tracing the corner of the small smile his comment drew from Caleb. The words felt normal, it was the kind of speech pattern they’d fallen into, but the motions were making his heart thump in his chest. Caleb’s cheek was rough with stubble and he wanted to kiss him more than he’d ever admit out loud.

“Dying puts things in perspective,” Caleb mumbled.

He didn’t want to think about how fragile life was, but he’d been constantly thinking _what if_. The idea of never getting to say how he felt made him uneasy. Life was too short to be satisfied with simply watching Fjord from across the fire.

“It sure does,” Fjord sighed. Jester had been close enough that Caleb had been dead a few seconds at most, but it was still too long. Anything was too long. Caleb was infinitely precious to him and he really wasn’t keen on the idea of ever losing him. So it was time to do something about it. “If I kiss you right now, would you be okay with that?”

Caleb couldn’t help but smile. Even now, Fjord was being polite, but he couldn’t stop his fingers from tightening on Caleb’s hip.

Fjord was holding back his desire because he knew the proper way to do this was slow and respectful – he had to be a gentleman, but that didn’t mean the true extent of his emotion just went away. If they were alone and Caleb was willing and he didn’t have to worry about what was the right thing to do… But for now he’d settle for a kiss.  
“Yeah. I think I would,” Caleb admitted.

For a long moment neither of them moved. Fjord was waiting for Caleb to take the lead so he could be sure he was comfortable with where they were at, but Caleb wasn’t good at voluntarily reaching out to other people. In the end Fjord cottoned on and slid the hand already on Caleb’s cheek underneath his jaw, tilting it up until it was just so easy to lean forward and finally make the kiss they’d been building up to for so long happen.

Caleb’s hair was still wet from the river and Fjord’s fingers quickly found it, combing through almost reverently. He’d been waiting to be able to do this for months and he was determined to get it right. Shuffling closer, Caleb felt a shiver go down his spine as much of the coldness in his bones started to dissipate. Fjord’s body was warm and the kiss was hot and it was exactly what the wizard needed.

When they heard hoots and hollers from Jester, Caleb considered pulling away to tell her to mind her own business, but his mouth was a little preoccupied. Instead he lifted his middle finger up in what he was vaguely sure was her direction, and focused on the more important matter at hand.

They finally pulled away a couple of minutes later, on their own terms and not Jester’s, when Caleb’s fingertips found their way under Fjord’s shirt and Fjord realised just how much he needed to borrow some warmth.

“ _Pelor alive_ , you’re cold!” he gasped, instinctively shrinking away from the frozen touch. Caleb mumbled an apology and shuffled away, but Fjord shook his head. “Come here.”

He pulled Caleb into his arms and tucked them both under his own blanket, tugging over the now spare cover from Caleb’s bedroll to pile it on top for an extra layer of warmth. They were both glad to have the excuse to stay close. And if Jester was mumbling something about ‘stupid boys finally admitting they have feelings’ and turning the fire a rosy pink, they weren’t paying attention.

“Can I stay here? Sleep here?” Caleb asked, a little shy.

“I’d be awful disappointed if you didn’t,” Fjord admitted. After almost losing his friend, now maybe-more-than-friend, he wasn’t keen on the idea of letting him go. And besides, evidently the wizard needed someone to keep him warm.

Ordinarily Caleb would have summoned Frumpkin and buried his fingers into the cat’s warm fur, but had a feeling his bed partner for the night might not appreciate the bout of sneezes it would induce. Instead he wriggled down further under the covers and pressed his hands against Fjord’s warm body, careful to stay above his clothing this time.

“Goodnight, Fjord,” Caleb yawned, already half asleep in the drowsy heat of it all.  
“Goodnight, Caleb.” Fjord just laughed, pressing his lips to Caleb’s hair and reveling in a moment that had only existed in his imagination for so long.

The image of perfection lasted five minutes. Caleb could hear Fjord’s heart beating out a calming rhythm of contentedness that was gently lulling him towards sleep, accompanied by the tiny circles Fjord was tracing out on his upper arm. It almost let Caleb forget that he’d spent part of the afternoon, however brief, dead. Just as he was crossing over into a far more desirable form of unconsciousness, a familiar voice sounded from the other side of the campfire.

“Caleb?”

Right. Nott. Caleb had forgotten she’d come back to find his bedroll no longer where he left it, and from where she was stood she wouldn’t be able to see him with Fjord. For a long moment, Caleb didn’t move. He was on the brink of sleep and pushing back from it took a second or two. Fjord didn’t answer either – terrified of breaking whatever spell this was if he did.

“Where’s Caleb?”

Nott’s voice was panicked now, and Caleb suddenly felt awful. She’d watched him die only a few hours ago and now he had, seemingly, disappeared without a trace. Shoving away the last clings of sleep and untangling himself from Fjord, Caleb sat up and ran his hand through his hair in an attempt to look less disheveled.

“Here. I’m okay,” he called over.

He could see Nott now, fear just leaving her eyes as she stood, hair dripping and feet turned in, on the other side of the fire.

“Oh!” she grinned, taking a step closer. Then she registered that Caleb wasn’t exactly alone, and she stopped in her tracks.  “ _Oh_.”

She seemed surprised and a little disappointed, almost as if she felt replaced. It wasn’t the truth, of course, but he still felt awful for being the cause of the frown on her face. Resigning himself to another cold night, Caleb shifted. “I can move back, just-”

“You can sleep near me, Nott.” Jester interrupted quickly.

She turned the fire green with a wave of her hand and motioned Nott over to join her on the log Yasha had rolled in for seating.

Caleb had never loved her more. Seeing that Nott was okay and seemingly placated, he slumped back down next to Fjord, curling up.

“Are you staying?” Fjord asked cautiously. He knew how much Nott meant to Caleb, and he wasn’t about to cause any problems there if he could help it. Still, he was quick to wrap his arms back around Caleb’s waist, as if that would convince him not to move.

“I… Yeah, I think so. I want to,” Caleb sighed. He’d almost died – he should get to do just one thing that was impulsive and usually felt off limits, and sleeping next to Fjord was the thing he’d chosen. “Just, one second.”  
Clicking his fingers together, he summoned Frumpkin to sidle up beside Nott and wind himself around her legs. It was a pathetic apology, that he knew, but it was all he could offer without leaving Fjord. Nott reached down to pet the cat, lifting her eyes back up to meet Caleb’s and giving him a smile that he knew meant she understood.  
“She’ll be okay with Jester,” Fjord promised, twisting his head to watch Jester mesmerise Nott with small dancing figures right at the edge of the flames from the campfire as Frumpkin jumped up onto Nott’s lap.  
“I know.” And Caleb did know, but that didn’t mean he didn’t worry. Still, he was allowed to have a life of his own now and then, and the life he wanted involved a lot of Fjord in it.

Without another word Caleb pressed his ear back against Fjord’s chest to listen to the already familiar heartbeat, the steady thumping blending with the crackle of the campfire, Yasha’s quiet snoring, and Jester and Nott’s laughs. Yes, this was the life Caleb wanted.

 

**Author's Note:**

> (the phrase 'Jester's gestures' was too good to pass up, I'm so sorry)


End file.
